Perfectionism is a trait many individuals proudly self-identify with. I remember having the “I’m a perfectionist” answer in my back pocket for a job interview question asking about my greatest weakness (because who didn’t like a perfectionist, right!) The truth is that for a real perfectionist, this trait comes at a high price. Recent research published in Review of General Psychology revealed that perfectionism can lead to depression.

In today’s video, I provide you with 5 ways to help you overcome your perfectionist tendencies.

Not sure if you are perfectionist? Keep on reading! 

Here are 9 signs that you may be a perfectionist:

• Critical of others – whether directly or indirectly
• Defensive when you feel criticized
• Determined to avoid making mistakes and when you do, you try to hide it
• Unable or unwilling to ask for help with personal concerns
• Afraid of vulnerability and a fear of intimacy
• Being guarded about showing any flaws or weaknesses
• Very particular about how things are done
• Focused on tasks and things more than on people
• Self conscious and preoccupied with what others think of you

The quest for perfection is often based on the assumption that one is faulty, not good enough and must rise above their lower nature. Individuals that have feelings of not being good enough are drawn to the possibility of becoming a different person. If only I am perfect then I will be good enough, more liked, loved…

If you are a perfectionist, chances are you have a fear of failing and you may procrastinate due to the overwhelming pressure to be perfect. Here is the thing; the quest for perfection is a hopeless endeavor, which is why it becomes an addiction. Attempting to be perfect is a foolproof strategy to promote guilt, shame, and a sense of personal inadequacy.

When we seek perfection, we miss out on living. We also hold others up to the same standards of perfectionism. These standards are impossible to live up to leading to a lot of disappointment. This can become quite isolating for the perfectionist.

Part of striving for perfection is a way for many to create the image of having it all together at all times. Our quest for perfection keeps us from being who we truly are. When we hide and avoid living as who we truly are, we prevent ourselves from creating intimacy. Intimacy requires being vulnerable and imperfect. Intimacy requires that we open ourselves up and take risks.

Often times there are some deep-rooted causes as to why one develops the need to strive for perfection. Exploring or at least giving potential root causes for this need some thought can provide you with great insight that can help you work through your desire for perfection. 

Here are 5 ways to help you overcome your perfectionism:

• Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what your motivations are for perfection. Are you worried that others will not like you, or maybe you are afraid of failing? See where this need comes from. And ultimately, have compassion for yourself.
• Know when your perfection tendencies come out. Perhaps your inner perfectionist comes out when you are working but not when you are exercising.
• Use the 80/20 rule. 80% of the pain of perfectionism comes from trying to eke out that last 20%, when 80% is very good. How much more do you need to squeeze out before getting caught up in the perfectionist cycle?
• Choose ease. Being a perfectionist is so much work. If you find that you are striving or trying too hard at something, you are likely overtaxing your adrenals. Are you able to get over the idea that you must suffer in order to succeed?
• Embrace vulnerability. The price of invulnerability often means that we believe that we must be perfect, we must have it all or we are worthless, we must lose weight to feel accepted and worthy and beautiful, we must have control, we must know what will happen. Unfortunately we pay a high price to live that way. Become aware of when you are striving for perfection. Look at your life and see where and why you are hiding. Open yourself to your friends and family and ask them for support in being imperfect. This can be scary but it foster intimacy in the relationships. You are allowing others support you.

Are you a perfectionist, or in recovery? What strategies have you used? I would love to hear your tips. And if you know a perfectionist, please share this video.