Internal Family Systems (IFS) Psychotherapy in Toronto

WHAT IS INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS (IFS)? 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based psychotherapy developed by Richard Schwartz 30 years ago. Internal Family Systems is a non-pathologizing approach that can help with anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship issues.

IFS sees that we are all made up of a system of various sub-personalities or ‘parts’. These parts coexist like an internal family that helps to guide our decision-making and behaviour. IFS can help when we are dealing with inner conflicts.

An example of an inner conflict: a friend asks you to go for a drink after work, but you need to prepare for an important meeting the next day. You might say, ‘part of me would love to go, but another part of me knows I probably shouldn’t.’

With the IFS approach, we explore how the different parts of oneself interact with each other. Each part of self is viewed as having its own motivations, fears and desires. 

IFS divides these parts into three types: Managers, Exiles, and Firefighters.   

EXILES

Exiles are parts of us that hold fear, pain, shame, or trauma, usually from childhood. These parts become ‘exiled” from the rest of our system. And while that does allow us to function normally in daily life by keeping out the painful emotions and memories, it also means that other qualities might also be locked away, like vulnerability, playfulness and having fun.

If we experience emotional or physical abuse at a young age, they can become frozen in time and can carry the burden of the abuse well into later life.

MANAGERS

Managers are the parts of us that have proactive and protective roles. They work hard to manage and prevent painful or traumatic feelings and experiences from flooding one’s consciousness. The Manager part’s purpose is to protect us from being overwhelmed emotionally by the feelings of our exiles, such as shame, pain, loneliness, fear of rejection.

Examples of Manager behaviour might include: 
– Perfectionism
– Excessive self-criticism
– People pleasing
– Controlling self and others
– Putting excessive pressure on oneself to achieve

FIREFIGTHERS

Firefighters are like emergency responders. They are also protector parts, but unlike Manager parts, they are reactive and not proactive. They are signalled when Exiles come out and demand their attention. Their purpose is to distract or numb the painful and overwhelming feelings that flood one’s system when Exiles are activated. Firefighters will do whatever it takes and at any cost. 

Examples of firefighter behaviour might include:
– Rage
– Violence
– Self-harm
– Workaholism
– Addiction (food, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, gaming, shopping, etc)

THE SELF

Underlying our parts, we have our true Self. The Self is our spiritual centre. The Self has its own qualities (8 C’s and 5 P’s) that distinguish it from our parts. 

These qualities are:
– 8 C’s: Compassion, Curiosity, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Connectedness, Confidence and Creativity
– 5  P’s: Playfulness, Patience, Presence, Perspective & Persistence.  

The Self is who we truly are when we’re not hijacked by our parts and emotions. The Self is when we’re in our window of tolerance.

Using IFS, we work together to help you get to know your parts so you can begin to disentangle them and access Self energy. When we access Self, we can connect with each of our parts and heal them. This results in spending more time in our Self energy and all of its wonderful qualities.